shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
my god I love twenty year old dicks