He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!