Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
This is classic penis vs brain.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?