Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho