I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
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And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
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Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone