so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Is it because I queefed?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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