she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
