I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
