Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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