I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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