she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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