The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
