so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
