Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
