She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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