I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
