I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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