can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
