he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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