You're so nebulous sometimes
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
