i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
