I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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