if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
