you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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