im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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