they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
