her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
