What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
