Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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