Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
