did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
