I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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