Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
