Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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