i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He did a backflip because drugs
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
