yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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