So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
