Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
