he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
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I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
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I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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