Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
