she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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