We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
