He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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