I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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