Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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