1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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