i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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