she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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