My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
