And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
