I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
