I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
