ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club đ
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.â \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I know youâre not my dad, but youâre someone dad. And youâre also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Fatherâs Day
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
