Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
