if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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