I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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