guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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