Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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