I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Found your dick twin last night
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
