he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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