How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
