this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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