Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
