Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
of course. lets lasso hookers.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
