If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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