I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
