just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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