i just wanna soil my oats bro
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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