Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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