im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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