remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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