You're so nebulous sometimes
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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