We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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