yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
