Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
