She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
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