The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
